Home For The Holidays

This will be one of those rambling blogs, I know. I have many thoughts so at times I may or may not make much sense.

The holidays has always been my favorite time of year. It always seemed magical to me. Growing up my family was very poor. We lived off about $8000 a year, and we were a family of six. But some how, some way, my Mom made Christmas happen every year. There were always lots of presents for us. Granted some were used but they were always appreciated and loved just the same. I almost always believed in Santa for this very reason, how else could those presents get there I would wonder? But it was because they found the way to make it happen, they were the magic, not Santa. I can remember the story Mom tells of Santa really coming. There was a year, I was around 6 I guess, my baby sister was very sick due to the liver disease she was born with. She was in and out of hospitals from the time she was born that prior July. We were very poor at this time and Christmas wasn't going to happen. One day Mom gets the mail and in there was a card. She opened it and inside was a cashiers check for $200. And it was signed Santa Claus. That money bought us food and presents that year. We still to this day do not know who sent that check, but it made our familys' rough year end on a happy note.
It's those little moments in life that bring me such joy still to this day. And even in our rough time this year, of myself being unemployed and not being able to buy lots of great gifts for everyone this year I am at peace. Whatever gift we manage to give will be given with the greatest of love. Our boys will get plenty of gifts from the family and will be happy. And even tho a parent wants to be the one to give them the great gifts, sometimes we must find joy in them getting them from someone else. This year I am blessed with my family and that is all that truly matters. I have two wonderful boys and a man that loves me as I love him. We have wonderful parents and a great number of extended family, we are loved. Who could ask for more.
Christmas also makes me think of my Grandma, especially when I am with Chris's grandparents. It makes me wonder what it would be like to have her here. For her to have met my two boys and had the experience of being a Great-Grandma. We spent every holiday with her. She would make her oyster dressing and a pan of stuffing for us.. For presents she would give us each $5-$10 a piece. To which I turned around and used it to buy my parents something every year. She didn't have much, but she always gave what she could. Whenever I saw her she would get her change purse out and give me a quarter or fifty cents, and I thought I was rich. I lost Mamaw when I was only 16. She was my best friend, I wanted to spend every moment I was off school with her. And even tho it's been almost 15 years it still hurts like it was yesterday. And it's the special times of the year that I think of her most and still mourn her not being here. I wonder what she would say to me? Is she proud of me? I travel back in time each Christmas and remember how happy a childhood I had. I remember the smell of Mamaw's house from the food cooking. I can still smell her perfume "intimate", her hairspray "white rain", and the sound of the old screen door slamming behind us as we walked in. Unfortunately, I cannot recall the sound of her voice, instead it's the sound of her cough I hear. She coughed so much with the lung disease.
And every year when I go home for the holidays, I relish those moments. Because I never know when it may be my last holiday with a member of my family. I have ill parents and it scares me I will lose them too soon, like my Mom lost her Mom. I look at Mom and can only imagine how bad it hurt to have lost her mother. And I dread the day I feel that pain. So for now I take in each moment I get to spend with my parents. I make it home for the holidays no matter what. They gave me a great life, we may have not been rich but we had plenty of love. Home for the Holidays is the only place I want to be.