Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Home For The Holidays
This will be one of those rambling blogs, I know. I have many thoughts so at times I may or may not make much sense.
The holidays has always been my favorite time of year. It always seemed magical to me. Growing up my family was very poor. We lived off about $8000 a year, and we were a family of six. But some how, some way, my Mom made Christmas happen every year. There were always lots of presents for us. Granted some were used but they were always appreciated and loved just the same. I almost always believed in Santa for this very reason, how else could those presents get there I would wonder? But it was because they found the way to make it happen, they were the magic, not Santa. I can remember the story Mom tells of Santa really coming. There was a year, I was around 6 I guess, my baby sister was very sick due to the liver disease she was born with. She was in and out of hospitals from the time she was born that prior July. We were very poor at this time and Christmas wasn't going to happen. One day Mom gets the mail and in there was a card. She opened it and inside was a cashiers check for $200. And it was signed Santa Claus. That money bought us food and presents that year. We still to this day do not know who sent that check, but it made our familys' rough year end on a happy note.
It's those little moments in life that bring me such joy still to this day. And even in our rough time this year, of myself being unemployed and not being able to buy lots of great gifts for everyone this year I am at peace. Whatever gift we manage to give will be given with the greatest of love. Our boys will get plenty of gifts from the family and will be happy. And even tho a parent wants to be the one to give them the great gifts, sometimes we must find joy in them getting them from someone else. This year I am blessed with my family and that is all that truly matters. I have two wonderful boys and a man that loves me as I love him. We have wonderful parents and a great number of extended family, we are loved. Who could ask for more.
Christmas also makes me think of my Grandma, especially when I am with Chris's grandparents. It makes me wonder what it would be like to have her here. For her to have met my two boys and had the experience of being a Great-Grandma. We spent every holiday with her. She would make her oyster dressing and a pan of stuffing for us.. For presents she would give us each $5-$10 a piece. To which I turned around and used it to buy my parents something every year. She didn't have much, but she always gave what she could. Whenever I saw her she would get her change purse out and give me a quarter or fifty cents, and I thought I was rich. I lost Mamaw when I was only 16. She was my best friend, I wanted to spend every moment I was off school with her. And even tho it's been almost 15 years it still hurts like it was yesterday. And it's the special times of the year that I think of her most and still mourn her not being here. I wonder what she would say to me? Is she proud of me? I travel back in time each Christmas and remember how happy a childhood I had. I remember the smell of Mamaw's house from the food cooking. I can still smell her perfume "intimate", her hairspray "white rain", and the sound of the old screen door slamming behind us as we walked in. Unfortunately, I cannot recall the sound of her voice, instead it's the sound of her cough I hear. She coughed so much with the lung disease.
And every year when I go home for the holidays, I relish those moments. Because I never know when it may be my last holiday with a member of my family. I have ill parents and it scares me I will lose them too soon, like my Mom lost her Mom. I look at Mom and can only imagine how bad it hurt to have lost her mother. And I dread the day I feel that pain. So for now I take in each moment I get to spend with my parents. I make it home for the holidays no matter what. They gave me a great life, we may have not been rich but we had plenty of love. Home for the Holidays is the only place I want to be.
The holidays has always been my favorite time of year. It always seemed magical to me. Growing up my family was very poor. We lived off about $8000 a year, and we were a family of six. But some how, some way, my Mom made Christmas happen every year. There were always lots of presents for us. Granted some were used but they were always appreciated and loved just the same. I almost always believed in Santa for this very reason, how else could those presents get there I would wonder? But it was because they found the way to make it happen, they were the magic, not Santa. I can remember the story Mom tells of Santa really coming. There was a year, I was around 6 I guess, my baby sister was very sick due to the liver disease she was born with. She was in and out of hospitals from the time she was born that prior July. We were very poor at this time and Christmas wasn't going to happen. One day Mom gets the mail and in there was a card. She opened it and inside was a cashiers check for $200. And it was signed Santa Claus. That money bought us food and presents that year. We still to this day do not know who sent that check, but it made our familys' rough year end on a happy note.
It's those little moments in life that bring me such joy still to this day. And even in our rough time this year, of myself being unemployed and not being able to buy lots of great gifts for everyone this year I am at peace. Whatever gift we manage to give will be given with the greatest of love. Our boys will get plenty of gifts from the family and will be happy. And even tho a parent wants to be the one to give them the great gifts, sometimes we must find joy in them getting them from someone else. This year I am blessed with my family and that is all that truly matters. I have two wonderful boys and a man that loves me as I love him. We have wonderful parents and a great number of extended family, we are loved. Who could ask for more.
Christmas also makes me think of my Grandma, especially when I am with Chris's grandparents. It makes me wonder what it would be like to have her here. For her to have met my two boys and had the experience of being a Great-Grandma. We spent every holiday with her. She would make her oyster dressing and a pan of stuffing for us.. For presents she would give us each $5-$10 a piece. To which I turned around and used it to buy my parents something every year. She didn't have much, but she always gave what she could. Whenever I saw her she would get her change purse out and give me a quarter or fifty cents, and I thought I was rich. I lost Mamaw when I was only 16. She was my best friend, I wanted to spend every moment I was off school with her. And even tho it's been almost 15 years it still hurts like it was yesterday. And it's the special times of the year that I think of her most and still mourn her not being here. I wonder what she would say to me? Is she proud of me? I travel back in time each Christmas and remember how happy a childhood I had. I remember the smell of Mamaw's house from the food cooking. I can still smell her perfume "intimate", her hairspray "white rain", and the sound of the old screen door slamming behind us as we walked in. Unfortunately, I cannot recall the sound of her voice, instead it's the sound of her cough I hear. She coughed so much with the lung disease.
And every year when I go home for the holidays, I relish those moments. Because I never know when it may be my last holiday with a member of my family. I have ill parents and it scares me I will lose them too soon, like my Mom lost her Mom. I look at Mom and can only imagine how bad it hurt to have lost her mother. And I dread the day I feel that pain. So for now I take in each moment I get to spend with my parents. I make it home for the holidays no matter what. They gave me a great life, we may have not been rich but we had plenty of love. Home for the Holidays is the only place I want to be.
Monday, December 15, 2008
A Mommy and Her Son
I wrote this poem years ago for my best friend, her little boy passed away in 99. In Memory Of Charles Brody Kouns.
I get up each morning telling myself to breath.
And that you didn't want to leave me.
I go to your crib hoping you are there.
And all I find is the memories we shared.
I hold your stuffed toys and smell your clothes.
When all I really want is to have you to hold.
Time is to heal all wounds they say.
But I can't imagine this crushing feeling ever going away.
I pray to God that he keeps you close to him.
And that you will remember me when we meet again.
I love you son with all my heart and soul.
And when I die, in my arms you will go.
To be together for always and eternity.
A mommy and her son, that's the way it should be.
By: Missy Newland
Sunday, December 14, 2008
The Guide
I feel a warm breeze kissing my face and combing my hair.
I feel like I'm not alone there.
It's like there's a hand holding me up from the ground.
There's no one there, no voices no sound.
I search real hard for the meaning of life.
I look to find the line between wrong and right.
Can't someone show me the way?
Then I decide to go to my knees and pray.
Looking up to see the answers in the stars.
But there is nothing for miles afar.
I then begin to cry a river of tears.
But then a roaring voice speaks, child don't fear.
For that was me there kissing your face.
And it was me holding you in a loving embrace.
For you are not lost.
But on the road of life everyone must cross.
Follow me in your heart.
Because from you I will never part.
For I am your Father, your friend.
And your guide to the very end.
By: Missy Newland
I feel like I'm not alone there.
It's like there's a hand holding me up from the ground.
There's no one there, no voices no sound.
I search real hard for the meaning of life.
I look to find the line between wrong and right.
Can't someone show me the way?
Then I decide to go to my knees and pray.
Looking up to see the answers in the stars.
But there is nothing for miles afar.
I then begin to cry a river of tears.
But then a roaring voice speaks, child don't fear.
For that was me there kissing your face.
And it was me holding you in a loving embrace.
For you are not lost.
But on the road of life everyone must cross.
Follow me in your heart.
Because from you I will never part.
For I am your Father, your friend.
And your guide to the very end.
By: Missy Newland
A Grandmother's Love
Dedicated To My Mamaw, Mom, and Denise
A Grandmother has so many roles.
Mother and babysitter,the list grows and grows.
Grandmothers go by so many names.
Grandma,Mamaw,and Nana all mean the same.
A Grandmother supports without any doubt.
Their understanding is hard to go without.
Their kisses erase all that causes pain.
The hugs let us know they'll be there again.
A Grandmother's heart is a gift from above.
There is nothing that can compare to a Grandmother's love.
By: Missy Newland
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
All Ladies Please Read
All Ladies Please Read
What I am sitting down and blogging about tonight is very serious. It's about something all of us women over look....Our health. And even more so, our female health. Cancer is on the rise and they believe by 2010 it will be the number one killer. Out numbering heart disease deaths,which has been the number one killer for years. I am presently going through my own health scare. After having my routine pap smear following the birth of my baby,they called me last week to tell me that I have precancerous changes. Normally if the numbers are lower they will do nothing and redo the pap in 6 months. The Dr. told me my numbers were to high to wait and that I needed a biopsy of my cervix. Now,cervical cancer has a great cure rate if caught in time. For most people they just need to have the cervix frozen to stop the cancer cell growth. And stay on top of their pap smears to make sure no new cells begin to form. Then some may need to have a hysterectomy if the cells are at risk of spreading. Then for the later stages they may need to follow with chemo and radiation. No matter what the road is, the majority are lucky enough to live long lives. But, if you don't have an annual pap smear you won't be able to catch it in the early curable stages. It is of the upmost importance that everybody gets their paps. I cannot stress this enough. I believe that I am going to either not need anything or I may need to have it frozen. I had a pap when I was first pregnant about 16 months ago and it was clean, so my issues have only recently come about. I am worried, I am scared I would need a hysterectomy and I still want one more baby. So this news would be devestating. If you are a woman over the age of 18 you should be having a pap once a yr. Some Dr's try to say every 3 yrs if your under 30, don't buy it. All insurance cover one pap a year. And if you don't have insurance, the health department will give you one free a yr. And if they find something wrong, they will help you by covering the cost completely or on a sliding scale. Stand up and take care of yourself. Make your appointment if you haven't had one in a while. There is no excuse to not have one. And thinking it won't happen to you won't protect you. It could happen to you. So do all you can to make sure if it does happen that it won't devestate your life or end it. My biopsy is scheduled January 15. U of L Hospital is doing it for me and they are helping me pay for it because I am uninsured. So no matter your financial situation there is a way to cover the cost. It will hurt and cause cramping, but hopefully when they biopsy they will not find anything too bad. Please keep me in your prayers. And please,please, get yourself checked. There is nothing more important than your health, if you don't have that you don't have anything. Good Luck and God Bless.
What I am sitting down and blogging about tonight is very serious. It's about something all of us women over look....Our health. And even more so, our female health. Cancer is on the rise and they believe by 2010 it will be the number one killer. Out numbering heart disease deaths,which has been the number one killer for years. I am presently going through my own health scare. After having my routine pap smear following the birth of my baby,they called me last week to tell me that I have precancerous changes. Normally if the numbers are lower they will do nothing and redo the pap in 6 months. The Dr. told me my numbers were to high to wait and that I needed a biopsy of my cervix. Now,cervical cancer has a great cure rate if caught in time. For most people they just need to have the cervix frozen to stop the cancer cell growth. And stay on top of their pap smears to make sure no new cells begin to form. Then some may need to have a hysterectomy if the cells are at risk of spreading. Then for the later stages they may need to follow with chemo and radiation. No matter what the road is, the majority are lucky enough to live long lives. But, if you don't have an annual pap smear you won't be able to catch it in the early curable stages. It is of the upmost importance that everybody gets their paps. I cannot stress this enough. I believe that I am going to either not need anything or I may need to have it frozen. I had a pap when I was first pregnant about 16 months ago and it was clean, so my issues have only recently come about. I am worried, I am scared I would need a hysterectomy and I still want one more baby. So this news would be devestating. If you are a woman over the age of 18 you should be having a pap once a yr. Some Dr's try to say every 3 yrs if your under 30, don't buy it. All insurance cover one pap a year. And if you don't have insurance, the health department will give you one free a yr. And if they find something wrong, they will help you by covering the cost completely or on a sliding scale. Stand up and take care of yourself. Make your appointment if you haven't had one in a while. There is no excuse to not have one. And thinking it won't happen to you won't protect you. It could happen to you. So do all you can to make sure if it does happen that it won't devestate your life or end it. My biopsy is scheduled January 15. U of L Hospital is doing it for me and they are helping me pay for it because I am uninsured. So no matter your financial situation there is a way to cover the cost. It will hurt and cause cramping, but hopefully when they biopsy they will not find anything too bad. Please keep me in your prayers. And please,please, get yourself checked. There is nothing more important than your health, if you don't have that you don't have anything. Good Luck and God Bless.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Christmas Pictures
A few weeks ago we had our family Christmas photos made. Grandpa Tom and Grandma Traci joined us. It was also to mark Rayden's ninth month. It was a great time. Followed by a good dinner, which was Dalton's favorite Part!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Rayden's 9 Month Check Up
Rayden had his 9 month check up on Novemeber 28. I can't believe he is already that old. At this time he is 9 months,1 week and 4 days old. He weighed 17 lbs and 25 inches long. He averages about a lb a month. He got his two bottom teeth. The first was his right tooth, it came in on November 26. The second tooth came in on November 28. He is crawling, his style is the combat crawl. It is so cute to watch. He can stand and hold on to things, but hasn't quite gotten himself up on his own just yet. It definetly won't be long. I miss the little baby days already, but it is amazing watching him grow up. He is such a joy. Dalton has alot of fun with him and spends special time with him everyday. I have the greatest kids on Earth.
A Mother's Heart
I wrote a poem thought I'd share it with everyone.
The heart of a mother is made so complex.
It's more than an organ pumping in their chest.
The heart of a mother begins instantly it seems.
Then continues to get stronger as a child smile gleams.
The heart of a mother knows failure and fear.
But they carry on to take care of those they hold dear.
The heart of a mother knows no conditions.
They love their children no matter what happens.
The heart of the mother aches with their child's pain.
They would gladly take it for them and never complain.
The heart of the mother will bust at the seams.
When their child achieves their dreams.
The heart of a mother dies a little when their child gets hurt.
But gains the strength to be there for comfort.
The heart of a mother is a gift from God.
It is a miracle that suprises and awes.
The heart of a mother lives on forever after a mother has past.
It's carried in the heart of the child her love had cast.
Written By: Missy Newland
The heart of a mother is made so complex.
It's more than an organ pumping in their chest.
The heart of a mother begins instantly it seems.
Then continues to get stronger as a child smile gleams.
The heart of a mother knows failure and fear.
But they carry on to take care of those they hold dear.
The heart of a mother knows no conditions.
They love their children no matter what happens.
The heart of the mother aches with their child's pain.
They would gladly take it for them and never complain.
The heart of the mother will bust at the seams.
When their child achieves their dreams.
The heart of a mother dies a little when their child gets hurt.
But gains the strength to be there for comfort.
The heart of a mother is a gift from God.
It is a miracle that suprises and awes.
The heart of a mother lives on forever after a mother has past.
It's carried in the heart of the child her love had cast.
Written By: Missy Newland
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